sheldony: This song could be Sam Winchester’s...
And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees,...– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (via daisyslight)
Hey, hi, follower. Stop scrolling for a moment. I...
I refuse to complain about the weather.
youngthecortez: 1. It’s freaking VA. 2.I’m not wearing 70+Lbs. of armor and gear, Fighting for my life in Afghanistan. 3.It’s not 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
advengertime: Oh wow, okay I quit. Some people are just so attractive and then there’s me looking like some sort of deformed slug mutant.
1612th: isn’t it weird how like 200 years ago the average height for a full grown man was somewhere around 5 feet tall because of the amount of nutrients in their diet back then and now everyone is like 6 feet tall so maybe like 10000 years from now humans will become nutrient consuming monsters and be able to grow to like thirty feet and we’ll use trees as baseball bats and eat planets for...
It is the year 2812
Teacher: Today we will be learning about a collective genre of humans called 'fangirls'. These 'fangirls' survived on nothing but nutella while 'blogging' on 'laptops' in a pitch dark room about various 'fandoms' on a website named 'tumblr', and spoke a distinctive language called 'adfasdflkj'
coffeeandklonopin: carpe diem - seize the day carpe noctem - seize the night carpe natibus - seize the ass
Americans lived together in harmony. Then...
Me half the time: I just want to cuddle up with you and watch cute movies and look into your eyes and tell you I love you and kiss you lots and then fall asleep in your arms.
Me half of the time: I just want to rip off your clothes and get pushed against the wall with my arms pinned up and make out and push you onto your bed and we can fuck the shit out of each other, ok.
Doctor: Are you sexually active?
Me: Laughs hysterically, makes pterodactyl noise, transforms into a potato and rolls out the door and away into the sunset
Reblog if you have mourned the death of a...
peetatoast: mayieaturrainbow: i-loaf-jhutch: iloveyoujhutch: If you do not reblog this, you are in fact lying.
xvxavier: If you’re a “nice guy” to a girl up until you realize she doesn’t want to date you, then go on about how she’s a cold shrew that friendzoned you and how no girls date nice guys, like, nah mate, girls do date nice guys. You just aren’t a nice guy. You’re a passive aggressive beta with internalized misogyny and a serious victim complex.